Day 19

 Day 19

19th January, 2025

Woke up a little early. Woke up by 6:30-ish. Spent some time in bed and motivated myself to go to Cult for an early class. Booked a Dance Fitness class and went for the 7:30AM class. Best decision ever.

Most of my day's goals were covered and I felt nice, Very good cardio. Came back and took a bath and did my breakfast and everything. Raghav bhaiya had invited us for breakfast so I decided to have my smoothie, coffee, amla juice and warm water before going there. 

We went to Raghav Bhaiya's and I ate one dhokla and one roti with green chana sabzi and aloo sabzi.

I left for home at around 12:30 ish. Was feeling evry low on energy. I mostly used my phone lazing on a Sunday. Guilty.

Mummy Papa and Disha had gone with Raghav Bhaiya to see the Lodha flat and then they went somewhere to taste some idli.

When they came back, I stayed in my bed for the most time. My day was not active. I did not work. I wanted to but I procrastinated. Guilty.

Then we had to go to Prachi Didi's so we left at around 4:30-ish. We went there and we all talked. Kushal Jiju is always fun.

We left at around 6:30-ish. Divit, I booked his cab to his college.

We came back home. I again lazed in bed and I ordered a wanton soup for dinner while the others ate khichdi.

Disha had gone for a walk. By this time, I had decided I will not go for a walk or work.

I watched Paatal Lok Season 2 for a couple episodes and then I slept.

The day was mostly lazy and not much productivity.

Today my emotions were very negative. I was angry and frustrated at everything. I was feeling my life is not in my control. My entire day went into Prachi Didi and Raghav Bhaiya. I had time to myself which I didn't use. So that's on me. We were supposed to go to Bannerghata National Park in the morning which we didn't. I was feeling a little frustrated because we were not doing anything.

I realised at night that there is no point blaming others. I have to take control of my life. Get busy. Enjoy working. Make money. Get fit. Be happy. Be in happy relationships.

There is another thing that was taxing throughout the day. I have to write my feelings. I somehow didn't feel very close to my parents, emotionally. I am close. I care too much for them. I know they are amazing humans. But some incidents that happened in Siliguri just made me lose respect for them. I don't know how to get over this. I don't want to feel this. I have always looked up to them almost like Gods. I love them way too much. But this feeling is weird. I cannot speak about it to anyone. Not even Disha. Because that will not give me a solution. I thought I should talk to a therapist to fight these battles within. I don't know how to go about it. Probably when I take a plum membership, I can take unlimited mental health sessions.

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